Republican Brahmin Community of "The Bluffs" Takes in New Residents: Black Republicans

By Benny Zadik
Huntington Beach, CA - With natural curiosity and reserved courtesy, Huntington Beach residents welcomed on Thursday Damon and Lauryn Wallace- self-professed "Black Republicans"- to The Bluffs, a gated community in the city's affluent Edward's Hill neighborhood. By purchasing a home in politically conservative Orange County, the Wallaces have turned some heads, not only because they are black, but also because they are Republicans.

The O.C., as it is commonly called by people who don't live there, continues to be one of the nation's most fiercely Republican districts. Only rarely has it been upset by the alarming trend of diversity, most notably when prosperous Asian-Americans sponsored a fanatical Chinese New Year's Parade "in February, of all months." Around town many expressed befuddlement and outright disbelief that a Republican black couple existed, let alone the fact that they had moved into the county.

"I saw them myself," confirmed apprehensive neighbor Frank Sumner, "they are black. And quite possibly Republicans," he added, noting an alleged "Bush/Cheney '04" bumper sticker taped to one of the couple's twin Lincoln Navigator SUVs. An unconfirmed eyewitness also claimed to have seen Lauryn Wallace enjoying a sugar-free mocha latté at the local Coffee Bean & Tealeaf while reading a worn and heavily-highlighted copy of Rush Limbaugh's See, I Told You So.

The following morning Damon was sighted practicing his golf swing and mentioned a desire to join the Seacliff Country Club, much to the chagrin of onlookers peeking nervously through windows. "We've had a certain quantity of Hebrew members for sometime now," noted social chair Evelyn Osborne standing in the club's Michael Cohen recreation room, "but when I saw a Negro coming at me with a golf club I nearly fainted. Are they really Republicans?"

Though the Wallaces are self-avowed "Ditto-heads," neighbors remain uncertain whether the couple's matching political affiliation might mitigate the indisputable fact that their skin is not white. "We've never had a black in these parts," reports 30-year resident Harold Crowley. "Most of our gardening is done by Hispanics or Latinos. You can pick up a pack of Mexicans on Beach [Blvd.] for your construction needs. Frankly, I'm not sure what kind of work Africans can find here."

Damon Wallace, a Harvard-educated corporate attorney, and his wife Lauryn, a registered nurse at Hoag Hospital in Newport Beach, conveyed little concern about their employment opportunities. In fact, the Wallaces expressed hope of integrating themselves into the local Christian church and possibly raising a family in Huntington Beach. Earlier this week, scientists speculated that the Wallaces' offspring could potentially be born black as well, and quite possibly grow into Republicans one day. If the theory holds true, the total number of African-Americans in Huntington Beach could increase 50% in as little as nine months.

At an emergency session of the County Board of Supervisors, Huntington Beach mayor Jill Hardy attempted to assuage fears with her compassionate conservatism. "They can stay," she said grudgingly, "although we'll no longer be able to call ourselves America's safest city."

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