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Bush
Administration Assigns $6 Billion
To Combat “Merciless” Weather
By Gregg Echols
Washington, DC President George W. Bush today announced a $6 billion
plan to attack the "merciless" weather, claiming that weather's
repeated attack on the United States in the past year is "radical"
and "un-Godlike."
Liking the hurricanes, fires, floods, volcanic activity, and heat and
cold withinthe U.S. to "acts of terror" upon the "good-hearted
people of our land," the
President outlined a five-point plan to systematically make it impossible
for theweather to influence the nation any longer.
"I have authorized Congress to begin usurping the weather by way
of our
technological might," said Bush. "Never again will our citizens
be victimized bythe unscrupulous forces of weather."
Native American groups responded quickly to the President's proposal.
"What is he, crazy," said Chief Sitting Hawk in Montana. "The
weather is gonna kickhis ass if he doesn't watch out."
Bush said the military will be called in to disturb storms in the Atlantic
before they reach the United States using what he termed "comboobulated
sophisticatry" technology. In addition, stealth-like weaponry will
be used to affect the temperature, and disrupt potential flooding before
rains begin to affect an area.
"We've had this technology for years, but just haven't used it,"
said Bush. "God wants us to take things into our own hands, and
we're gonna do it."
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