Congressional Democrats Vote
“No Confidence” in Themselves

By Christopher Stout
Washington, DC Congressional Democrats made a surprising move today on Capital Hill. In an attempt reverse past imprudence, Senate and House Democrats have placed a vote of no-confidence in themselves. Tom Daschle, the former Senate Majority Leader, returned to Capital Hill to explain his party's decision.

"The decision to go to war was made under false pretenses," Daschle said. "When we gave the President the authority 'to use the Armed Forces of the United States as he determines to be necessary and appropriate,' we were actually trying to voice our displeasure with the war effort. The wording of the Iraq War Resolution made it appear that we supported armed military conflict, when clearly that wasn't the case."

"We must admit to our mistakes bureaucratically if we can, and publicly if we must," declared Dick Gephardt, who helped draft the resolution. "When we voted to authorize military action, we were actually voting for diplomacy."

Hillary Clinton, who some science-fiction analysts have predicted will be our next president, was quick to point out that the Democrats could not be blamed for their apparent lack of opposition.

"People need to remember what was at stake at the time," Clinton reminded. "We were faced with the difficult decision of either upholding or pooping on
the sanctity of the United Nations. We wisely chose to poop. It now appears that this choice may have had a negative effect on diplomacy."

Former Vice-Presidential candidate John Edwards said it best. "It's time we take a stand. This administration misused our misplaced support, so we are
now forced to revoke our support in this ex post facto fashion."

The no-confidence vote is not expected to have a large or immediate impact, as the Democrats have already thoroughly discredited themselves politically.

"I know people will accuse us of flip-flopping on the issue, "joked Senator John Kerry, "but I think this no-confidence vote sends a clear message to the people of America, letting them know that opposition is on the way." It's about time.

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