Charles Ommanney/Contact for Newsweek

God Distancing Himself From Bush
In Uncertain Political Climate

By Benny Zadik
In a surprise turnaround, God has been purposefully distancing himself from longtime confident and current president of the United States, George W. Bush. Though an avowed Republican and compassionate conservative ever since the Reagan Revolution, recent political realities have caused the Lord to question his sympathies to the GOP. In a prepared statement Tuesday, the Almighty cited "differences of opinion" as the prime motivation for going it alone in the near future. Previously Bush and God have collaborated on a number of issues, including prayer in schools and opposition to gay marriage.

Political watchers inside the beltway ascribed the about-face to the long string of disasters, colossal blunders, inept decision-making, and overall incompetence attributed to the Bush administration since the President began his second term. Major setbacks in Iraq, rising gas prices, and a poor response to Hurricane Katrina have all contributed to the president's plummeting approval rating. "George has simply not been on the ball," observes political-divinity analyst Alfred Bingham, "and God likes to be on the winning team."

Since news of the divide, several divinities have already been seen knocking at the White House door soliciting the president's ear. For his part, Bush has remained unusually silent on the split, saying only that "the Lord is always in my prayers."

Speculation has run rampant in Washington about Who or What might replace God as Bush's closest advisor. "Satan is obviously on the shortlist," admitted White House Spokesman Scott McClellan in a rare moment of candor.

The news came as somewhat of a shock because Bush and the Devil have been publicly at odds since Bush gave up alcohol and cocaine in favor of prayer and Christian fundamentalism nearly two decades ago.

"Sure we have our differences," the Dark Lord noted recently in a rare interview with NBC's Katy Couric. "But on issues like the instigation of war under feeble pretenses, Abu Ghraib, torture in Guantanamo, and restricting civil liberties in both established and fledgling democracies- well, let's just say I know we can find a lot of common ground."

It would appear to be far more difficult to surmise whom God might collaborate with next. Without direct access to the Oval Office, many have speculated that God will have to alter his Republican-inspired divine plan to discriminate against homosexuals and abolish the separation of church and state by using statewide ballot initiatives or conspiring with Supreme Court Justices. Political pundits have fanned rumors that God is wearing blue and appearing more and more frequently at Democratic rallies. He has even been sighted next to a donkey, the mascot of the Democratic Party.

But when asked if He would support a Democrat for president in 2008, the Omnipotent One confessed, "Frankly, I just hope it doesn't come to that."

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