Harry Potter Books No Longer
Printed as Public Stops Reading

By Paul Springer
The reading public has seen the last of Harry Potter in print, according to author J.K. Rowling's literary agent, Christopher Little. "Most adults in the U.S. and U.K. can barely read a stopsign, and as for the children, words on the page might as well be hieroglyphics."

Little went on to explain that this development would have little effect on Rowling's publishing career. "We plan to offer a dozen new titles in the Harry Potter series, following the young warlock's path into advanced old age. But not in books."

Subsequent "titles" will be offered in movie, graphic novel, audiobook, video game, and theme park form. Thanks to widespread illiteracy, there has been no outcry from fans.

Future novels will be available as solid, book-sized blocks of plastic, providing the tactile pleasures of owning a novel but without a bunch of bothersome words.

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