Time Traveler’s Corner
Consult Your T.V. Guide First

By Paul Springer
We waited in various attitudes of eagerness and trepidation to learn the outcome of our first experiment with the time machine. Professor Parameswaran stepped out of the portal of his Droppanabomonramadanatron, sputtered a few inarticulate words, and fell to the floor, where all attempts to resuscitate him failed. The ghastly expression on his face clearly indicated an encounter with unspeakable horror.

Clutched in his right hand were several tattered pages of a T.V. Guide from February of 2007, and this material provided a grim warning for those aspiring to survive a trip to the future: don't set the dial for Sweeps Week.

It was undoubtedly a blessing that the professor had not returned with material on daytime television, game shows, or Fox programming. Based on the information we present below, knowledge of what the future holds in these other areas would most likely reduce any right-thinking human being to utter madness.

What we have is a brief, fragmentary item and a more expansive list of what the various networks are planning for the year 2007 in the reality show arena, and this is it, word for word:

Network Merger (incomplete item from the top of the first page):

UPN has merged with Animal Planet to offer some wonderful new crossover shows, like Buffy the Vampire Spayer and Steve Irwin's Colostomy Hunter.

continued

About
Email Subscribe
Staff
Disclaimer
Contact